So Much Time, So Little to Do!?
By Debrah COllier, MFT
I remember watching the original “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” as a mother with two young children. There is a line that only a parent, and particularly parents who work outside of the home or run a business, can fully appreciate. Willy Wonka says to young Charlie: “So much time so little to do, strike that, reverse it.”
How we budget our time is important to us, our spouse, and our children. After all, what we teach our children usually is how they will manage their family life as adults.
We read about time management and effective habits. We attend workshops to learn how to manage those who work for us. Where can we turn to find out how we are doing as a working spouse or parents? The answer: ask your spouse and children. I know, you think there is never enough time. Stop for just a second. It has been my experience that spouses and children can be very supportive in figuring out how to make this time thing work.
The following five areas would have to be the top five that most couples talk about as being important in balancing career and family:
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Leave the business at designated family times. For example: have dinner time focus on each family member regarding their day. Be sure that each person gets equal time. Another example would be to declare certain days “no work”, or “talk about work” days.
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When you are with family, be involved in their activities. Even the mundane is important. This means that cooking, homework, baths, and bed time is important. Think back, to who did these activities with you? I guarantee you remember who you could count on to help you and spend time with you. I am not saying that you can never be late or miss an occasional bath or bed time. The point here is the general routine.
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Set time to stay connected to your spouse…you were a couple before the business and kids and you want to be a couple when the kids leave and you retire! I often suggest couples find some time to date. This doesn’t have to be stressful and full of expense or expectation. Simple things like going for a walk will do. Something that does not involve others, which you both can count on. The occasional weekend away or dinner out is also nice but when the little times happen, then these occasions can be treats and not what you do when you are making up for lost time.
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Find simple ways to include family in the business. My husband and I went to a local restaurant recently for dinner. The restaurant is family owned. We have been there several times and have noticed that the couple who own the restaurant will often have their two children there, sitting at a booth where they work on homework. The parents can come by to help when they need it. Children love to help mom or dad at the office. If you must go in on the weekend, let the children come along and find a way for them to help. If you have more than one child, they can take turns. Be creative here!
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Take that vacation! Part of what we work so hard for is to give our families experiences and memories. I have never heard a couple say that they have regretted time vacationing with their family. I have heard many expressions of regret about not taking enough vacations.
Talk with your spouse and children about these suggestions. Everyone can be aware of how they spend their time together. All of this cannot change the busy feeling of having “so much time, so little to do, strike that, reverse it”. It can make the time that you do have, feel more important to your family and to yourself.
